Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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