A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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