You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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