don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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