Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When are your genitals available?
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Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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