i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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