I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
