Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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