And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
