What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
