i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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