I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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