I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
