it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
