why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
