Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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