found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
