Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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