Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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