my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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