Already got asked if we're dating
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
