none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
