he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
