Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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