Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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