All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
whose parrot is this?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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