Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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