I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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