What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
