Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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