Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He felt like a one man threesome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
