I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
