I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
