We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
