is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
