We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
