Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
