OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
