i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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