how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
