For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
