Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
