I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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