My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
