So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
