you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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