I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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