forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
