nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
