Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
