Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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