Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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