wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
