He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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