Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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