I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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