I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
