four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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