i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
