just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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