He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
