So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
