Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
