do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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