Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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