I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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