it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
