Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I came so hard my ears popped.
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