i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's rum buckets o'clock
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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