So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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