I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
