The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
