It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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