Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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