I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
