Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
