the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
