I just cut my nipple shaving
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
