Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
