I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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