Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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