Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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