Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
