bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
